Coven or Cult? How to Guard Against Troublesome Behavior

I had some inquiries lately revolving around how to tell if the coven you were joining was really a cult..... which was actually pretty timely, since I had just chased off a potential member who REALLY had an inaccurate view of what was involved with being in a coven (including being, urm, sexually dominated and spanked by the High Priestess). So, here, for everyone's edification and delight, are some things that I would recommend looking out for when looking for a coven.

A note: this is just my opinion, based on my experiences with covens and magical lodges that I have been a part of. I cannot, and will not, speak for all covens. If a coven does things differently than I have described, use your judgment as to whether this is right for you.

First: Many covens are secretive. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. While we are no longer in the Burning Times, many of us live in very conservative areas. Not all of us can be completely out of the proverbial broom closet like I am. Covens keep their inner workings to initiates only, and expect their initiates to not discuss coven matters with non-coven members. Having said that, you should know exactly what is expected of you should you decide to join a coven. For example, for those that join my coven, you will have attended several public events with us, so you know our members. You will likely have attended several public classes, so you have seen our teaching style. If you express an interest, I will sit down with you, and give you an overview of our coven, including our deities, our degree structure, how we are going to progress through the degrees, and what will be expected of you throughout the process should you commit as a dedicant. You will also be given a trial period to see if it's for you. You will see a copy of our bylaws before your initiation, and exactly what happens should you choose to leave after initiation. While right now, there are a limited number of elders taking students, you would be matched with an elder that best fits you and your interests. As you expand your knowledge, if there is something you wish to learn more about that isn't in that person's area of expertise, you will either be referred to someone else in the coven, or even to a trusted resource outside of the coven.

A note about leaving a coven. In my experience, in both the lodge and coven traditions that I've been a part of, membership is ideally considered a lifelong commitment. This isn't said to scare anyone away - just to make you aware that joining this sort of group is a serious step. The bonds with your coven-mates should ideally be that of family. Are there situations where you would leave such a group, even after initiation? Of course. You get your dream job, but it's halfway across the country. Is a coven going to try and stand in your way of that? They shouldn't!!! What I would do, as High Priestess, is offer one of a few options: first, if the person is high enough level, the option to hive off and form their own coven in their new area; second, to continue to learn via Zoom and other technology; or third, to send them on their way at whatever degree they have earned and with many blessings for success in their new endeavor. What covens SHOULD NOT do: threaten to harm the member for leaving, shun them by forbidding any contact, or get into a 'witch war' by performing baneful magic on the member leaving.

Second: Sex (and sex magic) can occur within a coven setting - but should NEVER be coerced. Do some covens practice sex magic? Of course. It's a valid form of raising energy - between consenting adults. Sex shouldn't be a requirement to join a coven. In my opinion, if you aren't comfortable practicing a type of magic, you shouldn't have to - but you should also examine WHY you are uncomfortable with that type of magic. This goes into a best practice I personally have - members should learn the theory and technique of practice. If they choose not to utilize the type of practice for some reason (extreme discomfort, physical limitations, etc.) I respect them for it. To be fair, I will make sure they are just not taking the easy way out ('Why do I have to do 100 mantras a day? I think 20 a day is enough.'). My thoughts on sex magic are that it should be presented to higher level practitioners as an option, but not a requirement, of obtaining a higher degree. I come from a place of having worked with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault and am a survivor myself; I would NEVER force them into a situation where someone would need to relive their traumas just to advance in their studies.

Third: You should never have to 'pay to play.' Let me explain a bit. Yes, some covens have dues for their members to cover group costs. Some covens have 501c3 non-profit status. However, your learning and status in the coven should never be based on having to pay for classes or buying products from coven leadership. Charging for coven classes - even if it is just $5 per class - is exploitative if the classes are required for membership and advancement. Think of how much information is needed to cover a year's worth of training? It is one thing to purchase books and supplies that coven leadership recommends - I have personally used recommended and required reading lists when teaching. I also provide them with places to obtain the book, including online sources such as Scribd or Amazon Kindle. I also am fine with charging for things such as Reiki training - provided it is an option, not a requirement. Again, if there is any sort of financial obligation, it needs to be spelled out prior to joining, so potential members can make an informed decision. When it comes to those covens that are tied to a metaphysical store - as many are these days - members should not feel obligated - or told that it is required - to shop only at that store. to me, part of the fun of being in the pagan communi8ty is visiting different stores and interacting with the people who frequent them! Each store has its own strengths, and I have found that there is never a 'One Stop Shop' in the pagan community. One store might focus on classes and healing modalities (think Reiki/IET/crystal healing/salt caves) while another might focus on grimoires and old-school magic. A third might focus on one-of-a-kind or handmade items (such as wands, pendulums, boxes and the like), and a fourth might focus on herbs and stones. All are great! We each have our preferences when it comes to magic and spellwork.

Fourth: Covens should be inclusive, not a clique. What do I mean by that? Covens should make members - and potential members - feel welcome. They should accept and respect each member as an individual. Coven leadership have a responsibility to lead by example. A High Priestess should not have its members swear obedience. Let's face it - conflict in a group of strong-minded people is inevitable. How does the group deal with conflict? Do they threaten violence? Back stab each other? This isn't Mean Girls - Coven Edition. This is supposed to be a spiritual group where members serve the gods, help lift each other up, and positively contribute to the community. You can tell a lot about a group by the conflict resolution they use. Do they have a process for resolving conflict? Is the leader's word law, and if you disagree, you are going against them? Does the group make decisions through consensus, with each member having equal weight? Or is it reserved for the leader and their 'cronies?' How does the coven interact with the larger pagan community? Do they interact peacefully with other groups, or is there always drama? Do they isolate themselves and badmouth other groups for innocuous things? Keep in mind, if there is a group or person that is doing shady stuff, that SHOULD be brought to light - I am not referring to that here. Likewise, if a member IS caught doing something shady, are they held accountable, or is the situation swept under the rug?

Keep in mind, this isn't an all-encompassing list. And please do not just take my word for things. I have seen a lot in my thirty years as a pagan, but I haven't been in every situation. Do your own research, make informed decisions, and stay true to yourself. Group work can be extremely meaningful - but it isn't the only way to be a 'legitimate' pagan. Everyone has their own path. May you find yours, and be blessed.